I've loads of time. Too much till I can't think of anything else to keep myself busy other than looking forward to my future plans when I complete my national service. Yes. I'm really looking forward to it. Hopefully life starts to have a 360 degree change from 111209 onwards. Oh lord.. Please. I had enough.

I'm a person who has no pride and I don't give a damn about pride. What is pride? Can it be eaten? Can it earn you a living to survive? Pride is totally nonsense. People want pride just because of the "face" and status. Those are not important to me at all. So what's truely important? Dignity is the answer.

Honestly, I respect what you've said. I don't go against every word you said or meant. You're right in every way and I totally agree. In fact, I'm really thankful and touched by those things you said which are meant for my own good. But if you said that you chose not to ask me what had happened because you thought that I might sink in deeper thoughts and suffer even more, I'm sorry, you're wrong. I would rather you asked me what's the whole damn thing about and have a full understanding of what had happened. It isn't that simple like what you thought or expected. Maybe if you know what had happened, you might look at me in a different way. Probably even have a change of impression on me too. I don't know what your reaction will be, but I will accept your thinking and I definitely won't blame you in any way. All I can say is, I seriously deeply regret on the 1001 things that I did. If you were in my shoes, I guess you might also feel the same way too? Yes. It sure takes a certain period of time to get fully healed. Maybe not fully healed afterall, as time to time the thoughts sure bound to linger around in the mind all of a sudden. It isn't something that you can erase and forget just by a snap of your fingers.

I don't understand why are you treating me differently lately. You turned cold all of a sudden. I don't dare to question you on that as I didn't have the courage to. Maybe I'm too irritating? Or I've said something wrong? Or my actions doesn't suit your preference? I really don't know. If I've offended you in any way, I would like to apologise. I'm really sorry. And if any of the above is true, I will back out immediately. Just treat it as I didn't exist in your life at all. I really don't want to provoke or ruin anything. I believe you're a nice person and I don't wish to contaminate or bring burden into your life.

Lastly, I'm sorry for wasting your time today. I shouldn't had come at all.

5:57 AM