I thought about something while flying the kite. In time to come, we don't need them to come back anymore. Their shadows that we would cling on will see us through.

Just like that, moving on creeped in. Without you, not accepting felt easier and safe. But now to acknowledge that you did finally after years feels just like running with the wind while the kite soars. Or running and feeling that it is done. It is finally over. Straight and fast out of the labyrinth. I choose it and we choose it. And even being in the same room didn't matter. History didn't repeat. Seeing clearly for the first time happened. Smoking out the window to see for myself what was out there that you didn't see, knew that you will never see.

Never mind that you won't see. But thank you for leading me back to the start where I fell. The fall was so beautiful that I allowed to be blind by your light. It's not you, it was me that made you beautiful. Credits to Joy.

- Vanessa, I miss you.

9:56 PM

Why things have turned out this way? Why? "Why" is the word that explains my feelings right now. I'm so lost, confused, frustrated, upset and lastly, heartbroken. What is it that made things turn out like this all of a sudden? Have I failed? Maybe I've. So is this relationship all along fake? I'm hoping its not. Please give me an answer. Please stay, don't go.

- Vanessa, I miss you.

3:33 AM

Supposed to head down to darling's house to have dinner with her parents. But the fever was getting in the way. Damn! I'm feeling so unwell. Darling, I miss you! :( Sorry that I can't make it to your place tonight. Sighs..

3:28 PM

Went down to IKEA with songbird today. Wahaha! We haven't met each other for more than a year already! My god, time pass so fast. Oh ya.. today's the day where I found out where's the IKEA nearby Tampines and there's a free service bus to take us there too. I feel like a loser now. I didn't even realise that there's an IKEA here!!! WTF!!! All thanks to songbird, now that I know. :D

IKEA rocks the house ya. Hell lot of fucking nice furnitures. I've got plans to get a canvas curtain, a long hanging shelf and a long mirror. Hell yeah for the next payday. MARCH FASTER COME LAH! I WANT MY PAY!

11:14 PM

Wee! Finally had a chance to hang out with my camp mates! And its clubbing! I've just realised, after knowing them for so long, its my first time heading to the club with them! Hahaha! Sorry guys! Today will be a make up for all the outings that I've missed. Lets party tonight and have fun! :D

6:10 PM

HAHA! Darling sneaked in once again. :) Almost got caught! But it was a close shave. HAHA! Luckily lucky luck.

11:45 PM

Wasted the whole fucking morning and afternoon rotting the fuck out at home. Seriously, its damn fucking boring to stay the fuck in at home. Listening to my mom's constant fuck nagging makes my fucking ears bleed the fuck out.

Finally got the fuck out in the evening, had dinner outside and chill till late. I went home, stepping outside the fucking front door. It was fucking locked as usual and fucking guess what, I forgot to bring my fucking keys. I pressed the fucking door bell, it was fucking spoilt, I knocked the fucking door, there was no fucking answer, I banged the fucking door and the gate, again there was still no fucking answer, I called the fucking house phone, it was fucking engaged, I called my mom's fucking handphone, it was fucking switched off, I called my sister's fucking handphone, it was fucking switched off as well. Fuck!

I waited outside my own fucking house and waited like a fucking dog and finally came to a fucking decision. The fucking decision was to go straight back to camp and sleep the fuck out. Luckily the next day was fucking 8 to 5 training day. If it was my duty day, I may as well kill my own fucking self.

FUCKING FUCKED UP DAY!

11:55 PM

What it means to believe in love? It is to accept how vulnerable and unreliable it is. Just to live and believe in that fleeting moment, that love exist. Though there will be lots of imperfections, arguements, shoutings, and hate. But it is the not giving up, spirit of holding on, staying and remaining that is counted as love. That makes love, show love. :)

Wishing a Happy Valentine's Day to my sweetheart! I LOVE YA! You're the first ever girl that I've done so much for Valentine's Day. Must feel honoured hor! Heh heh heh.. I'm more than happy to say that I've enjoyed the times spent together with you and I REALLY(x 100) like the A|X watch you bought for me! WOOO! \m/ Thank you dear!

11:15 PM

Hope is all good. :) Everything's planned and prepared. All the best!

11:40 PM

Wee! Finally got to watch "Rise of the Lycans" with my darling! Was damn looking forward to it. :) The movie was damn cool as it featured more on Lucian! Lucian rocks man! I wished I was a Lycan. Haha.. Thumbs up for the movie!

11:53 PM

Spent the whole god damn day wondering where to go and when night falls the decision was finally made for that birthday boy, Dave. I haven't been clubbing for at least 6 to 7 months due to the fucked up 2-1 schedule FDS made. Now that the chance is here! Finally! We went down to Powerhouse in the end and had Martell! 60 bucks per person for 2 bottles shared among 5 people. Worth it and its pretty cheap! It was really liquor rushing. We finished the first bottle around 30 minutes and the second bottle we downed it within 15 minutes! That was freaking fuck fast! Everyone was tipsy and drunk after that. But it was fun though. It was my first time seeing Dave puking in front of me. Hahaha! Damn funny. After all that partying, we settled down at Simpang for breakfast and called it a day. :)

8:51 AM

L O V E the long weekend. E N J O Y the long weekend. S A V O U R the long weekend!

3:22 PM

HAHA! Met darl's parents today for the first time. :) Had kimchi made by her mom and drank booze with her dad. LOL! It was a fun experience though. Last but not least, HAPPY 3RD MONTH!

11:57 PM